How to Forgive Like God: A Biblical Guide

Introduction

Everyone talks about forgiveness, but few understand what it truly means.
For many, forgiveness feels confusing or even impossible—especially when the wounds are deep. Yet Scripture gives us a clear, powerful picture of forgiveness that mirrors the very heart of God.

So, what is forgiveness, and how can we forgive as the Lord forgives us? Let’s explore what the Bible teaches.

1. What Forgiveness Means

Jay Adams defines forgiveness as:

“A lifting of the charge of guilt, a formal declaration of that fact, and a promise (made and kept) never to remember the wrong against that person in the future.”
— Theology of Christian Counseling

In other words, forgiveness is not pretending nothing happened—it’s choosing to release someone from their guilt and refusing to keep a record of wrongs.

Forgiving as God Forgives

To forgive as God forgives means releasing the one who wronged us from any penalty or separation. True forgiveness makes three promises, each flowing from God’s example:

• In my thoughts: I will not dwell on the incident or replay it in my mind.
• In my speech: I will not talk about the incident with the forgiven person or with others.
• In my actions: I will not let the incident embitter me or use it to hurt the person.

When we make and keep these promises, we tear down walls of resentment and clear the way for healing and restored relationships.

Ken Sande, in The Peacemaker, describes this as the essence of forgiveness—it’s not simply releasing the offender, but clearing the path for reconciliation, just as God does for us through Christ.

2. Why We Must Forgive

Forgiveness is not optional for followers of Christ—it’s essential to the gospel.

a. We forgive because we have been forgiven.

Our ability to forgive comes from recognizing how deeply God has forgiven us.
If we struggle to forgive others, it often means we underestimate the seriousness of our own sin before God.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

Jesus made it even clearer:

“If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” — Matthew 6:14–15

When we forgive others, we reflect the mercy we’ve received at the cross.

b. Forgiveness makes reconciliation possible.

True reconciliation cannot happen without forgiveness. Saying “I’m sorry” is not enough; sin must be confessed and forgiven.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

• Confession: “God has convicted me of my sin of ____. I confess it to Him and to you.”
• Request for forgiveness: “I want to ask your forgiveness for ____. Will you please forgive me?”
• Granting forgiveness: “I forgive you.” (And keeping the promises that come with it.)

This process acknowledges sin honestly and paves the way for peace.

3. The Two Aspects of Forgiveness

Forgiveness has two dimensions—attitudinal and transactional.

a. Attitudinal forgiveness

This begins in the heart. Even when the other person hasn’t repented, we must maintain a spirit of forgiveness, refusing bitterness and entrusting the situation to God.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them.” — Mark 11:25

Jesus modeled this on the cross:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” — Luke 23:34

And Stephen followed His example as he was being stoned (Acts 7:59–60).

b. Transactional forgiveness

This occurs when the offender confesses and seeks forgiveness, leading to reconciliation and restoration of relationship.

Both aspects matter—one prepares the heart, the other heals the relationship.

Conclusion: Forgiveness That Frees

Forgiveness is not weakness—it’s freedom.
It reflects the heart of the gospel, where God forgave us not because we deserved it, but because Jesus paid our debt in full.

When we forgive others:

• We release them from guilt.
• We free ourselves from bitterness.
• We open the door to peace and restored fellowship.

To forgive as God forgives is to live out the power of the cross every day.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13